The Power of Words for Parents, Children, and Educators | Marcie Schwartz

Our words and our language set us apart from the rest of the animal Kingdom. In any relationship, words are extremely important. They are a way to express our abstract ideas and emotions into a tangible form. A saying from the Vedas, ancient text originating in India, claims “Speech is the essence of humanity." All what humanity thinks and ultimately becomes is determined by the expression of ideas and actions through speech and its derivative, writing. Mahatma Gandhi wrote, “Observe your thoughts, for they become your words. Carefully select your words, for they become your actions.  Direct your actions, for they become your habits. Examine your habits, for they will become your character. Improve your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

For a young child, words are the building blocks of a sense of self. They create an understanding of a place in the world and how things work. Words can motivate or humiliate. They can inspire or limit us from ever trying. They can build one's self-esteem or make one feel small and insignificant. Most of us can remember the power that words have had on us over the course of our lives. Because, despite the childhood rhyme: “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me”, most of us would agree that words can hurt and do have lasting, emotional effects. With this in mind, it is important for you to be conscientious in your choice of words. Especially in choosing words you use in the presence of your child.

Before your child was even born, she was listening to your words through the sound of your voice. Research has shown that fetuses know their own mother's voice because an increase in heart rate and non- nutritive sucking has been documented.

It is through your words and the way in which you speak them, that you will begin the lifelong process of interaction and relationship with your child. Most child developmentalists agree, that the amount and type of language an infant hears has impact on her development. Language stimulation is one of the best predictors of later vocabulary, reading and mathematical skills.

As your child grows, your words will be the tools you will rely on to build the type of relationship you want to create with your child. You will use them to encourage, discipline, educate, and love. Psychologist Edward Thorndike, famous for his work on operant conditioning suggests one learns from the consequences of one's behavior. He wrote, “Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall but wise words endure.”

The following word games bring awareness to your child that the words we choose are important because they affect others.

Words in a Bucket

What you will need:

Paper or cardboard

Markers

Scissors

Small container or a plastic bag (if making the home version)

Piece of felt-

Similar sized piece of sandpaper

Clear contact paper to protect the words

Sticky back Velcro

This is an activity that will begin to teach your child about the importance of words she chooses. One thing about words is that they can be categorized. This is a great game because it connects a sensory experience, something tangible to the spoken word.

Begin by explaining to your child there are both positive and negative words. Positive words create good energy and make everyone feel good. Negative words create negative energy, hurt other people, and make them feel bad. Have your child come up with an example or two to see if she understands the concept. If she is too young to fully grasp the idea of negative and positive, you can label words as good and bad. You can also label them by how they make you feel such as happy or sad, scared, or excited.

To make the game

Measure across the top of the paper or cardboard every two inches. Do the same at the bottom and draw a line between the top and bottom markings. This will give you four columns. Down each vertical side, measure one-inch increments and connect those markings. This will create a grid of rectangles approximately one inch by two inches. Write “good words and “bad words” into each block and cut each one out separately. Cover in the contact paper. Place Velcro on the back. Note:  For the positive words, you will only need the scratchy side of the Velcro on the back since this will stick to the felt. For the negative words, you will need to place the smooth side of the Velcro onto the sandpaper so the scratchy side, on the back of the words, will have something to adhere to.

You and your child can choose words together. This is a good way to expand her vocabulary. Explain to your child that good words are words that create love and happy feelings. Bad words are words of anger or fear that generate bad and sad feelings. You can also explain negative words that discourage or instill fear, in us, are words that make you feel dark while other words that are sincere, full of love and inspiration, make you feel light. Give her a couple of examples and let her offer her own ideas.

Place the words into a small container or bowl make sure you use the same color markers when writing the words, so your child won't pick up on the visual clues of the color. Children are quite perceptive and if you write all the good words in red, and all the bad words in black, they might cue into the colors to play the game rather than focus on the context of the word. If you are making the larger version, place all the words on the center board.

For children who cannot read, it will be necessary for you to read the words to them. If your child doesn't know the meaning of a word, you can act out the feeling it creates or show the facial expression it may evoke. This will help your child associate the emotion with the word.

Have your child place the kind words onto the felt and the hurtful words onto the sandpaper. Follow up the game with the discussion of how it feels when someone uses a bad word against you or around you? How do nice words make you feel? How does it make you feel when you use bad words against yourself or someone else?

You can then make a pact with your child that you will both try to use positive words and that you will both remind one another when the other is using a negative word. Children love to teach, and I am sure you will give your child more than one opportunity to “mind your words.” Below is a poem that you can read to your child to reinforce the effects of words on others:

If I thought that a word of mine

perhaps unkind and untrue,

would leave its trace on a loved one's face,

I'd never speak it-

Would you?

If I thought that a smile of mine

Might linger the whole day through,

Enlighten some heart with a heavier part,

I'd not withhold it-

Would you?

~ Anonymous

Important Note for Educators: I have presented this activity to large groups of children. If you are an educator, I suggest using a cardboard presentation board. They can be placed on an easel or tabletop so the group can see the demonstration. These are available at office supply stores or even Dollar stores. The board will have 3 flat fronts.  Glue felt on one side in a bright color (I like yellow) to represent the feel-good words, and glue sandpaper on the other side to represent the feel-bad or “scratchy” words. In the center panel place all the words on Velcro. Call upon a child to pick a word. If they can’t read, I tell them to pick a word their eyes like, and read it aloud to the group. I have played this game with children as young as three years old who get the concept with 100% accuracy, up through third graders who flail their arms hoping to be chosen. (see below)

Muddying the Waters

This activity is a visual demonstration of what happens when we put mean, hurtful words out into the world or speak gossip about another.

What you will need:

A Clear glass

Water

A Spoon

A small ball of dirt

1. Fill the glass with water. Tell your children that the glass of water represents what happens to another person when they hear or say something mean.

2. Begin by saying: “I am going to show you how hurtful words make people feel.” Then, say a mean statement, “Daniel is stupid”. While you are saying this, take a small spoon of dirt and place it into the water. Show your children how mean words dirty the water so it no longer is clean and clear.

3. Allow each child to say something mean and add a spoonful of dirt. Continue until everyone has had a turn. Now ask, “Who wants a drink?”

Conversation starter - Begin by saying, “Mean words can make us feel bad when we say them and affect others by hurting their feelings.” Discuss how mean words make them feel. Do they make them feel dirty like the water?

Show your child how it is nearly impossible to get rid of the effects of mean words once they have been spoken, even if you apologize. You can use a paper coffee filter or a strainer to represent an apology. Pour the dirty water through the filter and back into the glass. Again, ask the question, “Do you want a drink now?” This offers a powerful visual of the lasting effects on another, when we speak something hurtful.

“When words are both true and kind they can change the world.”

~ The Buddha

These activities are from Marcie’s books, Parenting with Awareness, Enlightening Our Children and Ourselves and can also be found in her picture book, When Someone Deeply Listens to You

Both are available on marcieschwartz.com or wherever you buy your books.

Learn more about Marcie, her training and experience on her website above or here.